I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she pinky promised me she was 18
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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