the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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