I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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