about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
