I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
