I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
