would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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