AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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