I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
