C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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