I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
