I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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