come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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