Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
