Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
