Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
