I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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