he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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