I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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