i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
