I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
