you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
