I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
