She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
