Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize