I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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