So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
