Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
