I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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