farters have to be the big spoon...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
