Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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