Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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