I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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