Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
