There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
