Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
