I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
