You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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