i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
