Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
