I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
