So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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