i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
