Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
