I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
