Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
