Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
