How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
