Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
