I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
