This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
