My cat gives me a boner
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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