I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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