Cold hands, warm shart.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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