I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
