It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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