You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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