on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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