i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
