Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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