im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
