You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
