Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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