the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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