So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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