Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
