wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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