I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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