I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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