Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
