I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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