all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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