What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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