it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was like getting head from an anaconda
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
