Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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