dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
