Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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