I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sober January is a disaster.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
