she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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