I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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